cyclicality | Open to anyone in the Spirit Wilds house or who might visit.

Waterbender. He's a freakin waterbender. This is a disaster. No offense to Katara or anything, but he's not really cut out for bending water! He sucks at it! He can barely stream it despite his best attempts to mimic what he'd seen her do before. Water was fire's opposite after all.

But despite his irritation and frustration with his predicament, Zuko eventually started to realize he hadn't seen a certain someone today.

So eventually goes to the level of the run down apartment that she's staying in.

"Toph? Are you in here?"

"No."

The word comes after a pause, muffled, as though the owner of it is burrowed under several layers of cloth.

Zuko suppressed a sigh and rolled his eyes a little when he heard the muffled sound. He then walked up and and knocked on the door.

"Toph. What are you doing?"

Edited 2014-11-10 00:35 (UTC)

"Go away." Her voice is still muffled.

If he tries the door, he'll find it blocked. Not well, since there isn't much to block it with -- just odds and ends -- but still harder than usual to open.

Zuko decides to ignore that and tries to open the door, but frowns when he feels resistance. There is then some grunting and the sounds of things being pushed aside as he opens the door enough to poke his head in.

"Why are you blocking yourself in here?"

"Get out!" For the first time, her voice, as sharp as it is, holds a note of panic. "I don't want you here!"

The bed is a jumble of blankets . . . and Toph seems to be beneath them, burrowed deep.

Zuko stares, but doesn't flinch at the yelling. Something is wrong. Sure, Toph is a grump, but this is a bit much, even for her.

"What's your problem?"

He asks as he pushes the door enough enough for him to get in.

"I need to talk to you."

"You can talk to me from there." The anxiety in her voice is louder the closer he gets, the more he forces his way into the room. "Go away!"

But no rocks come flying in his direction. She remains under the blankets, a huddled lump.

Zuko pauses just past the door. This is more and more strange. He had expected to have rocks or metal flying at him by now with how upset she was.

"Toph, what's wrong with you?"

His voice is definitely one of concern, even if laced with a little frustration.

"I won't come any closer, but only if you tell me what's going on."

But she seems to be out of both rocks and words. The blankets twitch slightly -- once, twice -- but otherwise she is still.

Well... if she isn't going to say anything, he's just going to come closer. And eventually comes up to the bed and sits down on the side of it. He frowns at the lump for a moment before reaching out to... poke it.

Edited 2014-11-10 02:54 (UTC)

The sudden answering kick may be enough to push him off the side and onto the floor.

No one could say he wasn't forewarned. "What is your problem??"

Edited 2014-11-10 03:05 (UTC)

"OOF! AGH!"

That kick hit him right in the ribs, and Zuko tumbles off the bed and onto the floor.

He then sits up to glare at the lump, holding his side.

"I'm not the one with the problem, here!"

Growling with frustration, he doesn't care anymore, and gets up to take the blankets and rip them off the bed completely.

She yelps, makes a snatch for the blankets as he yanks them free . . . but fails. And suddenly there she is, on the bed, exposed.

. . . Well, nothing looks wrong, anyway. After all that, one might have expected her to have grown wings or developed scales. But no. It's just Toph.

Except her body language is wrong. Slowly pushing herself to a sitting position, she looks small. And while the set of her jaw is defiant, every other line of her speaks of upset, and her lips are pressed together so hard that the corners of her mouth furrow. She sits, pulling her legs close to her, wrapping her arms around them.

"Fine, I'm here. What do you want?" Her voice is flat, though that same thread of defiance that's revealed in the set of her jaw runs through it.

... Well okay, she looks fine enough, but there's still something off about her. Something that Zuko can't really put his finger on.

He sits on the edge of the bed again, grimacing as he side complains. That kick was going to leave a bruise, he was pretty sure of it.

"There's some things you need to know. I went to see the old me, and he told me the barrier is down. All of the world leaders are missing, including the Fire Lord. My... future daughter. I have to go to the Fire Nation."

Admittedly, not a lot of that seems to register with Toph. Possible doom, destruction, okay, whatever. She closes her eyes, seeming to be more in tune with some internal thread than the world around her.

Until one thing. Her eyes snap back open.

". . . You're leaving?"

"Yeah. My country needs me."

There wasn't really any helping it. But really, Zuko was glad, to finally be needed. He had felt useless and unneeded the entire time he'd been here so far.

A flash of something darts through Toph's face, pure and unguarded. For just a moment the fear is there, completely exposed. "Don't--"

Zuko's stared, his eyes slightly widened. He saw the sudden panic, and now he was really getting worried here.

"Why? What's wrong?"

Stupid. Stupid. She'd had it under control. There had to have been some better way of telling him. Her mouth presses into a firm, long line again, features darkening as she bites the words off at the source. For a long moment it might seem as though she isn't going to speak at all.

And then her spine releases, burying her face into her knees, her voice a thin, muffled thread against them. "I'm blind . . ."

Zuko blinked once at her confession. His face then screwing up into an odd expression.

"Uh... yeah. I know."

If she'd had anything nearby to throw at him, it so would have been hurling through the air at him then. "I mean my earthbending's gone. I can't see."

...

Oh.

Zuko's eyes widen in surprise.

"Your bending is gone? Can you bend any of the other elements?"

It might sound like a stupid question but... REASONS.

. . .

"No."

Honestly, that's his first question? It's a stupid question, and the edge in her voice says he's dangerously close to ending back up on the floor.

. . .

There is silence from Zuko for several moments. Maybe... that wasn't the right thing to say.

"...I'm sorry."

But no really he did have reasons. But its now struck him that without her bending, Toph is completely vulnerable.

Her mouth tightens, and she resettles, resting her chin back on her arms. Her shoulders lift once, briefly, then fall again. She doesn't respond.

She's never been without her bending. Yes, when she was little -- but because of that, she knows exactly how bad it can be. Always at the will of someone else's will or hands, always at the expense of someone else's definition of her own limits. Her bending saved her, allowed her to chisel out some small bit of life and identity of her own.

Now it's left her. The silence haunts her in its wake.

Zuko is quiet for several moments, not really sure what to say. He can't relate to what she's going through. He's not exactly good at making inspiring speeches full of hope. That would be Katara's job. But at the moment, it's just him, and he feels like he should do something. Anything, that would let Toph know that he was there for her, and would do what he could to help her.

She couldn't see, but maybe appealing to one of her other senses would help. So he reached out and took her hand. He might pay for this later. She might hit him. But that was okay. As long as it got the message across.

Actually, it's one of the best things he could have done. Toph startles as his fingers close around her dangling hand, not expecting the touch.

His palm is cool, faintly callused from years of training with dao swords, roughened a bit from time chasing the Avatar and the years that followed it. The tendons are honed, finely tuned; she can feel them shift as his hand tightens, cradling hers.

And it stays.

The touch sends a flicker of warmth through her. Her fingers tighten back. Hold on.

Suddenly his problems, and the frustration over suddenly being a waterbender, doesn't matter anymore. Zuko just sits there and holds her hand, not saying anything. And he would stay there as long as Toph needed him to.

Wan knocked on the door, "Toph? You still in there?"

Because for all he knew she had tunneled out earlier and made her way into the city for the day. He hoped she hadn't because of the people in living nearby, she was the only one he'd out and out told he had been born a non-bender. And he needed someone to talk to about it after laying in bed for hours just focusing on Raava and making sure the spirit that had scrambled him up hadn't hurt the part of his soul that was her.

She was a little bit better after Zuko left -- better enough to un-burrow, at least.

But not necessarily better enough to let someone in without a fight. The more people she didn't have to talk about this with, the more she didn't have to say it aloud, the less real it would feel.

"No."

Being obstinate felt good. It was some small measure of control.

Wan remained where he was, frowning and unsure if he should push things. But he needed someone to talk to, someone who already knew about his past as a non-bender.

He took a deep breath and put his hand against the door, calling out, "Can I please come in? Even if you're not there, I could use a good wall to talk to for a bit and your room is one of the only ones that has most of the walls still intact."

Zuko's visit had softened her up a little bit. Shutting out the world until further notice still sounded like a really good idea at the moment, but that was hard when the world kept knocking.

Also hard when the knocker had that undertone in its voice. It was the undertone that made her yield, though changing her mind was like rocks grinding together -- just as hard, and just and unwilling.

". . . Fine."

He quietly opened the door, slipped inside, and shut it firmly behind him. He took another deep breath before moving to sit down on the floor next to her bed and curl up on himself. His knees tucked into his chest and his arms around his knees.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly. He wanted to talk about his problems, but she was obviously upset about something herself. "I mean, is the wall that is here in Toph's place okay?"

Her full attention had been on hearing him -- listening to the door, the shift of fabric, the movement . . . doing her best to tell herself this was still manageable; she'd always relied on her hearing to some extent, and it wasn't like she'd lost that too. This was manageable. She could make this work.

The question from him startled her. Maybe she was used to the others starting in on their problems; maybe she was used to them for the most part skirting around when she was upset, giving her the space she'd always demanded. But she hadn't been expecting him to ask, and she hadn't been prepared for when he did. She was quiet for a long time, groping for words that normally came easily -- normally as fast as she could sling rocks.

"Can't bend." At last she managed only those two words, quiet and stiff, braced against his reaction -- though what exactly she expected, she didn't know. A hand lifted, palm rubbing against one eye as she made the connection for him.

". . . Can't see."

Oh.

Oh.

Wan lifted his head to look at her and his knees fell to either side so he was sitting up in a more comfortable lotus position. Something that came easily to him.

"I can't bend, either," he admitted in return. "But I can help you see if you'd like me to. Until you learn where things are around the house, at least. It probably won't take you long to memorize where the furniture is, if you haven't already done that."

A nod -- a very small one. Short. Tight. She could hold onto this. Maintain control. A slight shiver spread through her frame. She tightened against it. Held it back.

What he was offering would help, and that he offered it on her level, without pity, went a long way toward acquiescence. She could accept that, and it didn't tangle into the very complex web of her pride. ". . . Thanks."

Pushing back towards his statement: "You can't bend too?"

He didn't respond to the thanks. He could tell it was hard for her. He'd known some blind beggars before and away from the act they put on to get enough pity for people to throw them scraps, they had been very proud of how well they knew the streets they walked. Of how much they could do for themselves. They knew exactly what they needed help with and how much of that help was too much. For someone who was used to 'seeing', Toph would not yet know what her limits were. But that didn't mean she wouldn't learn them fast enough.

"No," Wan answered her question instead, sighing a little. "A spirit entered me last night and it's energies got tangled up with mine. Scrambled me up a bit and it took me a while to find Raava again. It happened when the rest of the spirit barrier fell. I could feel it coming down, all the spirits breaking away from it... but I was in bed already and I didn't realize a spirit was coming near me until it was already there. Or it's light was. It was so bright... And with how Raava had overwhelmed them before, I didn't think it's coming would be as bad as it was. One of them probably got into you through that light, too."

Edited 2014-12-01 04:30 (UTC)

That got her attention.

"A spirit?" In spite of hanging out with an Avatar, Toph didn't deal much in spirits. They were Aang's realm . . . and frankly, in their own time, the human beings caused enough trouble. Enough to barely even have time for spirits. ". . . That's what caused this? Like the ones roaming around the barrier and messing people up?"

"Yeah. They're all from the barrier, so it would be some of the same ones," he answered slowly. "But they're all gone now. They weren't strong spirits. It was just being gathered together in the numbers they were that gave them strength..."

Wan trailed off as he leaned his head back and looked up at the ceiling, studying the way the cracks formed a maze that got more and more complex the closer they got to where a few roots had pushed their way through.

"It's so strange. To feel the power inside me and not be able to touch it. When I didn't have the power of the elements, before the Lion Turtles gave them to me, I couldn't feel any of the energy inside me. But now... this is hard."

"Yeah . . ."

Normally Toph might have been a little more profound, but there were no good words to touch something that echoed too deeply in herself.

"Can't you . . . talk to them or something? You and Korra and Aang and whoever? Make them un-scramble us?"

He shook his head out of habit, "Not when the spirits that did this to us seem to be gone. They disappeared, expended themselves when they released that light, as far as I can tell. Which... isn't much, I admit."

Another sigh before he put his head in his hands, "I can't even talk to Raava. I can feel her there, but with our energies all jumbled, I can't even ask her if she has an idea how to fix this."

Open to anyone in the Spirit Wilds house or who might visit.

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An hour or so after Zuko leaves

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